Archive for the ‘manhattan’ Category

1st new post of new year (albeit a little later than intended)…sorry about that, although i realize i may just be apologizing to 3 or 4 people, since that’s all who probably read this. i love my manic in manhattan phrase…and blog…i just forget to post here. i journal all the freaking time, you know, old school style by handwriting scribble down at all hours with a pen and writing on a journal of paper. yeah, it’s kinda old school of me….like me i was talking on a landline phone and dialing a number on a rotary dial. you get my point. anyways, so i will try to post more here. i just wish more people knew about it. i haven’t told a single person i know. i purposely don’t post any personal pics of me or my boyfriend. i just like the rare place where i can be totally anonymous.

so here are my TWO first pix of the new year…

the fancy dish is of brussel sprouts with a cute “xoxo” drizzled on the dish. it was one of the items my boyfriend and i enjoyed for our romantic Valentine’s dinner on that romantic night where he was so romantic. you get my drift. i say that because Richard really blew my mind and surprised me and made me feel so special. i just don’t know how to handle that. sure i’m SPECIAL as long as i’m right there with him, but when i’m not with him, god only knows who he is fucking and/or talking to and smiling to and….again, you get my drift.  ok so the 2nd pic is of me, well just me from knee down…i have a thing for socks, sexy socks. it’s not an overtly foot fetish thing but rather i just love tights, hosiery, socks, shoes. Richard calls me “adorkable” and nerdy hot whe i wear these socks. we love to fuck with me keeping my socks on and nothing else. i like it. those socks are sexy aren’t they?

i’ll post more soon. i promise…xoxo Lisa (aka “manic in manhattan”)

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THIS BOOK SHOULD BE REQUIRED READING FOR ANYONE IN A RELATIONSHIP…TRISTAN TAORMINO IS INSIGHTFUL and SMART:  http://openingup.net/

I’ve been tackling this whole “my man wants to be open” thing and well, I’ve decided that I’m fine with the OPEN RELATIONSHIP thing for two reasons…

  1. if he can play, so can i…and i have!
  2. i like my freedom as much as he does so when we ARE together, it’s special, and on purpose

I say this because of my new little “toy” I found named Jake. We met via Fetlife (http://fetlife.com) which I totally LOVE and recommend for anyone with a kinky mind and curious nature. Jake’s thoughtful, funny, driven, focused, hard-working, and so complimentary. He’s 22 and i’m 41. I can’t stand the “cougar” label so let me just nip that in the bud right now. i am NOT his cougar. that is NOT my bag, nor his. he doesn’t like older women just for that specific desire or intent. when we talk the age difference isn’t a factor. he has such baby soft skin though! however, because he’s REALLY good at eating my pussy, i think i’ll keep him around.

However, I get jealous at Richard fucking some gazillion other women but I guess I can’t since I’m getting sex elsewhere, too. I do have major issues about jealousy. It’s one thing for him to fuck some skank but when he disrespects me like he did on Memorial Day, it’s unacceptable. HE CALLS OUR RELATIONSHIP “OPEN” BUT I THINK IT’S MORE “ALL ABOUT RICHARD” and so much so that I’m starting to resent being steamrolled as if my feelings don’t matter one iota.  Even open relationships should be positive, mutually supportive/respectful, and give & take. I’m just not sure he is capable of that. He cares too much about HIMSELF and anyone else will come second.

However, I’ve never felt for anyone the way I feel for him. When I’m with him, my heart is so happy. So much shit about life, politics, other stressors just fade away. I have such moments of true laughter and joy with him. Sometimes my heart melts when he does small sweet gestures like holding my hand and we walk around.

Relationships are such incredible human dramas. I think I’ve learned more from my talks and adventures with Richard than I have with anyone in a LONG time.  I can only hope he feels the same.

things have been great. i miss him when he travels for work, even though it’s usually in the tri-state area. still, as much as we adore each other, we’re both so independent that we love our freedom and space. so lately, due to clear, blunt, open talk, we’re better than ever….i’m still not happy with the open relationship thing, i’d prefer a more “just fuck me” thing which would still let both of us flirt and even kiss but fucking is another thing. i just don’t wanna think of him fucking around on me, even if do know about it. however, there is a flip side to all this open relationship stuff and that is the old adage “tit for tat” or “what’s good for the goose is good for the gander” so i have found that since he WANTS and actually DEMANDS that his relationship(s) be ONLY open, i  figure if he can explore other people, by golly so can i….so if i want to sleep with a guy, i will….lord knows he would sleep with someone else, so why not me too….equal opportunity, right?  listen, if there’s one’s thing about open relationships i have learned, it’s that communication is more important than anything else. everything else comes second to the ability to TALK….openly….and really EXPLAIN what you want and what you don’t and BLUNTLY state how you see things. in short, boundaries are crucial….so crucial.  therefore, in that way, looking at it that way, open relationships can be the most healthy.  go figure.

i swear i can’t get enough of naughty graffiti scrawled on subway signs….

also for the record, i wanted to share that i have learned so much from the open forums and discussion groups on fetlife. anyone in the more kinky mindset like me and/or into BDSM really has to join. it’s for like-minded people and i’ve found it to be the most positive, educational, encouraging site. 

 

to my fellow freaks, geeks and sexy people, check it out at: http://fetlife.com/

I AM SO MAD BECAUSE I FEEL I FINALLY FOUND A MAN WHO ‘GETS’ ME AND MAKES ME LAUGH AND IS SMART AND FUNNY AND SARCASTIC AND….WELL….he is a pathetic, weak man because all he cares about is HIS NEEDS.  it’s always about ME sucking his cock….blow me, baby, suck my hard cock….but i’m all for balance, i mean i’m down with going down on him, right? but WHY CAN’T HE GO DOWN ON ME ONCE IN AWHILE?  he has, and i cum really hard so he knows what he’s doing…but it’s all about him….so yeah, the whole example of oral sex is a HUGE RED FLAG to me to prove that he’s all about HIM HIM HIM. sure he can be accommodating and please me, but i don’t have the good orgasms i used to and i think it’s because a part of me is holding back. why? because he’s so CLEARLY focused on HIS needs, as if my needs are leftovers.  it’s so hard for me to have an orgasm. i hate that. i wanna be a sex bombshell again. i can be. i do get wet with richard. really wet. sure he still turns me on and OMG he gets SO hard with me, but it’s stuff like the whole eating me out thing that he RARELY DOES that makes me feel like i’m being used.

HERE’S THE KICKER…..I ALWAYS THOUGHT HE WAS KIND. LIKE REALLY A GOOD PERSON…HE’S BLUNT AND ALL AS MOST NEW YORKERS ARE, BUT THERE WAS THIS PART OF HIM THAT WAS REALLY KIND. I SEE IT IN HIS EYES. I FELT HE WAS GOOD.

I NO LONGER DO.

sure, he’s 100% truthful. i believe he is. but sadly this TRUTH he shares is pure narcissistic opinion. it’s ALL about him. and i’m realizing this week, it ALWAYS WILL BE ABOUT HIM.  i’m second,#2, to the #1 love in his life–HIMSELF.  i hate his voice. i hate hearing his voice now because now i see what a piece of shit he is….worse part? he totally thinks he is ANYTHING BUT a douchebag…WHY? oh why you ask?  because he says he’s honest with me and would give me ANYTHING i wanted except for monogamy.  gee, how nice of you.  when he said that and had the NERVE to get emotional like he’s BARIN HIS SOUL FOR ME…it’s HE who’s being vulnerable…yeah RIGHT….god i hate him…part of me NEVER WANTS TO SEE HIM AGAIN….i can’t take this OPEN shit. it’s SUCH bullshit.  i want a boyfriend. i want a RELATIONSHIP….IS IT WRONG THAT I WANT /NEED/DESERVE A LITTLE NORMALCY?  WHY IS THAT A CRIME?  WHY DOES THAT MAKE ME TRADITIONAL? I’M NOT. I JUST WANT A MORE EXCLUSIVE STATUS IF I’M FUCKING SOMEONE.  you know, that whole STD thing?  i don’t want to start itching or whatever in my pussy. i get tested regularly, just had my annual Pap Smear test and they ran the whole test panel on me to test for STDs. i’m good. i am also negative for the HIV virus. that’s great. DUH. but while i am only sleeping with Richard, god only KNOWS who he’s fucking.  he SWEARS he used protection with ANY OTHER GIRL and would never fuck some girl without using a condom…then i say, well then why don’t you use ANYTHING with me? WTF? he says “because YOU are the special one…you are my girl”…like i am special…..

NO ONE IS SPECIAL WHEN YOU’RE ONE OF MANY…THAT’S THE WHOLE POINT…HOW CAN HE NOT UNDERSTAND?

i will never see things the same as he can and i am pissed now because i invested my heart and i am just SICK…literally i feel sick when i think about his fucking women and expecting me to me just be FINE and hunky dorey with it….

I WILL NEVER FEEL SPECIAL WITH RICHARD….HE SAYS I AM SPECIAL. HE EVEN CRIED TO ME, LIKE “BABY WHY DON’T YOU BELIEVE ME, I’VE SHOWN YOU IN EVERY WAY I CAN…JUST NOT WITH MONOGAMY. AND IT’S NOT YOU, I WOULD BE LIKE THIS WITH ANYONE. I AM NOT REJECTING YOU. I AM REJECTING MONOGAMY.”  ok i get that difference. i mean ok…i understand but i do NOT agree.  however, i will NEVER AGREE that an open relationship is the best. i will NEVER stop feeling sick at the thought of him fucking someone else. i’m all for flirting. i am. i am all for making out with other people and so forth. i am kinky too just as much as he is…HOWEVER…i draw the line at fucking behind my back when i’m not around. THERE IS SOMETHING REALLY REALLY SICK, HIDDEN, WRONG ABOUT THAT. LIKE SNEAK. SURREPTITIOUS. so what am i to do? i am heartbroken. i am alone. i feel alone. i feel like no one listens to me. my friends are like, well, then find someone who WILL treat you the way you want…but problem is, i’ve known richard 5 yrs…we have a history…i just can’t endure another breakup. i cannot. i won’t. i can’t.  WHY DO I HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS SHIT?  WHY AM I NOT ENOUGH? WHY DOES RICHARD WANT MORE? when i am mad i just wanna vomit at the sound of his voice. why? BECAUSE ANYTHING HE SAYS TO ME IS A LIE BECAUSE IF HE REALLY WANTED TO GROW UP, HE WOULD BE IN A REAL RELATIONSHIP WITH BOUNDARIES. THAT IS WHAT ADULTS TO.  CHILDREN ARE THE ONES WHO LIKE TO JUST FREEWHEEL IT AND ACT FLIPPANT….WELL I CAN’T LIVE WILLY NILLY AND ACCEPT HIS DATING OTHERS ON THE SIDE….WHY CAN’T I BE SOMEONE’S ONE LOVE, ONE PARTNER, ONE KINKY SEXUAL NAUGHTY GIRL? WHAT PISSES ME OFF THE MOST IS THAT he really THINKS he is a good, honest man…he thinks he KNOWS women and how to treat them. he’s not a player in his mind because he doesn’t lead women on, he doesn’t lie to them, OH NO, he’s just selfish from the start.  SO WHICH IS WORST?  SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME.

I CAN’T STOP TYPING….I’M YAWNING BUT MY ANGER MAKES ME WANT TO KEEP ON TYPING….although i feel no one reads this…

ok so open relationships work….for SOME people…and i say good for them BUT when a couple is so good together, and one insists on an OPEN relationship while the other wants to be exclusive, well i think that’s sad. really tragic. it’s like the one person who wants the open relationship SO fucking bad is selfish and is so much more in love with his own desires than to make a potentially amazing relationship work. god forbid he COMMIT to me in any concise way.  i’m mad because i really love richard. there’s been a lot he’s done for me, especially making me laugh and on a naughtier note, he really expanded my horizons sexually.  more on that later…

i still can’t forget the hurt he caused me when he fucked some skank in october. i’ve been insecure since then. i’m shocked that he doesn’t ‘get’ why i’m so insecure about “us” because he doesn’t see his actions (fucking that skank i can’t stand) as wrong so when i told him last night that it felt like betrayal, he was totally flabbergasted. he’s not stupid but he DOES think he really KNOWS women.  in his mind he’s NOT trying to “have his cake and eat it too” but rather he’s mister honesty and open about wanting an open relationship.  why can’t we just be happy and enjoy adventures together?  i hate the idea of an open relationship. it seems so shallow and my feelings for him are anything but shallow. i am for open in terms of being honest but this whole “gee, i like you a lot but i wanna fuck other people anytime”  part really grinds my gears!  he doesn’t ‘get’ that his attitude makes me feel like i’m never special. i will never be ENOUGH. i’m never sufficient. he’s 44. he will not change. he told me last night that he is so serious about his freedom that he would put ANYTHING second to his freedom. his freedom comes first. i know he’s serious. i know he is. like i told him, i’m OK with having 3-ways…i’m kinky too but i think boundaries are crucial. he wants it all open dopen lopen topen….must be nice to feel like you can date a wonderful woman like me (giving, thoughtful, adoring, funny, smart, creative, adventurous) and be FREE TO FUCK ANYTHING THAT MOVES…yes i’m bitter because i finally found THE ONE i have been looking for all my life and after feeling a major connection with him, i can’t shake that this OPEN relationship thing is just a huge huge point of conflict. why do i have to feel bad about wanting to just be with the guy i like….like a lot….i mean why do i have to feel so defensive? since WHEN is it a BAD thing to just be a good person, with a man i adore.  i expect he’ll never say “i love you”….i can’t imagine him being so giving.  yet, he’ll talk to me about Buddhist ideas, concepts, and how Buddhists are big on compassion. hmmm, WHERE IS HIS COMPASSION?  compassion is about being selfless whereas his wanting to fuck anyone anytime is TEXTBOOK SELFISHNESS and some say immaturity.  he’s shared SO much with me. stuff he doesn’t tell just anyone.  there is something really great about US….i don’t want to lose that. i really like being around him. i know him so well now, after the past 2 months. i say that because even he told me last night some things that were too personal to type here (i respect his candor)  but trust me, it made me feel special because i could tell he shares the info with VERY few people. in these times, i DO feel special. however, i hate his glib attitude like well, this is what i feel….sorry if you don’t like it….he’s so unrepentant. i like that he’s strong in who he is. i get that. it’s great. it’s solid. i feel he needs to really stop running away from intimacy of getting truly close. i think he’s terrified and i don’t know why. he SAYS he is scared of what we have together.

i always wanted to ask him something and last night i did…i asked him, so, baby, what’s the longest relationship you’ve had? he said 6 years. i said well, what went wrong? he said he just one day decided he and she would be better friends. that makes me feel like if he just gets a feeling, a fleeting feeling even, then i’m out the door? i mean what the fuck?

2010 was OUR year. we got back together, we did SO much together. he missed each other. it was intense. like a real boyfriend. TONS of sex. fucking constantly.  the standouts to our passion are how we can’t seem to get enough. we’ve gotten so much closer lately. he misses me. makes a ton of small gestures to make me feel special….so why am i hungup on the “open’ thing?  i don’t want to lose him. i love his smell, his cock. his hands. his humor. i love that i’ve known him 5 years. i love that we have something special…i feel for him something i’ve only felt 2 times in my life. so i am scared too. i love my freedom too.  he was too drunk to have such a real discussion. i felt bitchy.

my mind is racing…….manic mind fucks are NOT pleasant.  i’m going to bed now. yes, this is why i have such bad dreams…i fucking never sleep because my mind’s running nonstop. i think, mull over and over-think stuff.  i gotta get a grip on my life…..shit.

ok so if you red my previous posting, you know i was totally heartbroken by the man i love, fuck, adore. betrayal is so horrible it should be a four-letter word. in my opinion, it is.  HOWEVER, as bad as i hated Richard at the time and for a good 2 weeks solid after the incident, i must admit i’ve learned a lot about myself, him and us as a couple.

first, i am way too nice. second, i put others ahead of myself. my own needs seem to come second to all else. if i’m honest, this is shown in 2 major ways–my teeth need MAJOR help from bleeding gums (gingivitis is so knocking on my door) and i need to lose major weight. thirdly, i settle for second best as we never should but often do. fourth, i really REALLY love a man who can make me laugh. I love to laugh. In fact, I think I LIVE TO LAUGH. so laughter is a great medicine. trite but true.

call me crazy but as much as i hate him, i love that he’s not a liar.  my joke punchline to that is ‘yeah, he’s a real gem because he never lies–HE’D RATHER TELL YOU THE SELFISH TRUTH TO YOUR FACE!’ (ahem…)  sure he’s a dickhead, douchebag asshole for hurting me but he’s NEVER lied to me and that (all his mistakes notwithstanding) does mean a lot. of course, i know in my heart that my dad would have KICKED HIS ASS if he was alive and knew Richard hurt me so bad and so disrespected me. but he can’t, he had the nerve to die in 2006 on a fucking “deathcycle” aka Harley motorcycle. however, if ever i feel upset about something, i swear if i use the test of ‘what would daddy say?’ the answer is obvious 99% of the time.

my dear father passed in 2006 and frankly i think that is a whole other level of issues i have…namely, GRIEF and LOSS and on a more general diagnosis, if i may, i would suggest i have my biggest issues with FEAR OF ABANDONMENT. case in point?

  1. my first true love,NRW was killed in 2003 when we were both 23. i was deeply traumatized because it was a sudden, senseless murder that got even coverage in the New York Times. (no, i will NOT give a link to it her & now; i can’t.)
  2. i was adopted at birth (4 days old) and had THE best parents but when i was 25 i finally found my birthmother. SHE IS A HORRIBLE, BITTER, ANGRY, TOXIC WOMAN. she wants nothing to do with me. she says i remind her of a bad time in her life, mainly that she was forced (she was only 19 when i was born in 1969) to give me up for adoption. she’d wanted me desperately but was forced by her evil mother who was cruel to her. as a woman i feel bad for her but part of me is still a tiny sweet heart yearning for her to LOVE ME. adoptees often have ABANDONMENT ISSUES  which in my case and many others, is NO reflection on their childhood and/or adoptive parents but rather what i consider to be a primal urge to be LOVED by the MATERNAL FIGURE who carries is in her womb for 9 months. i still feel hurt by my birthmother’s vicious words i only hear of secondhand from my siblings. sometimes one of the 2 i keep in touch with happen to let it slip that Joyce (my birthmother’s name) was talking shit about how she hates me, how i am NOTHING like her, how she can’t believe i came out of her because i am NOTHING LIKE HER…blah blah….well if you saw her, you’d see how much (sadly) i DO INDEED look like her in weird DNA way (nature, not nurture) like how we have the same boobs (huge) and same calves (killer hot legs) and great skin….BUT i agree, i am nothing like her in terms of her bitterness, white trash mentality, etc. she talks shit about how i’m a snob…not true, but i admit i LOVE nice things. so what? that does NOT make me a snob! we both sing well. i mean we both amazing singing voices. i sang at carnegie hall in 1996 and she sang a solo at the 1967 world’s fair in Montreal aka EXPO 67. the silver lining in the adoption issue. the nice surprise was finding out i have 4 half-siblings (3 boys, 1 girl) who knew of me all their lives. they’d known of me but i never knew of them! imagine our tears of joy upon meeting each other in 1995. even now, i am especially close with 2 of the siblings, the middle son (J., 24) and only daughter (hence my only sister, T., now 22)

then in 2006 a mere 5 months after my dad was buried, the house was opened up to vultures who swooped down and invaded our home for the dreaded Estate Sale. seeing your life, your family memories being sold and having prices put on them was traumatic.  my mo sold our home right from under me without any consult with me whatsoever. one day a lady was walking around with a clipboard and before i knew it, the house was listed and sold within a few months. bye house. bye to all semblance of family as i’d known it for the 1st 30 years of my life. gee thanks, mom.

but let’s redirect, this is about my heart mending. as for my father, yes, time heals but only a LITTLE. i can function now without crying every hour. that’s a huge chunk of progress. i was a wreck when daddy died, so i tell myself i should be glad i can finally laugh again…which brings me to Richard, strangely enough. THE ONE EPIPHANY I HAD AFTER THE BETRAYAL WAS THAT RICHARD (despite his many fuckups and foibles) IS THE ONE WHO GAVE ME MY LAUGHTER BACK. he makes me laugh. my daddy always did. only after really feeling TRUE DEEP LAUGHTER again in my body did i realize that WOW…Richard makes me laugh so hard and i haven’t done that since dad died. Richard ain’t perfect although my Dad almost was…but i will say that feeling the laughter in my body return gives Richard major brownie points. I’m not saying all is forgiven…or FORGOTTEN (!) but yeah, we’re trying to mend it.  One week after the big incident, Richard and I were meeting up for the 1st of 2 Halloween parties where we went as Russell Brand and Katy Perry. After the first party, I sat mute on his couch and he knew I was pissed. We TALKED. i mean REALLY talked. i screamed. i vented. i ranted. i went ballistic. and for what it’s worth, Richard took all my shit. he took it like a man. let me go ballistic. i almost cried. when the storm has come and gone (so to speak) what it came down to is Richard asking me, “please, baby, how can we put this behind us? i want to move past this. i has no idea you were so upset.”…i don’t know how he couldn’t have know i was pissed but hey, i was pissed. he KNOWS it now.  we really TALKED and that’s what i want. a man who i can be TOTALLY open with 24/7. one of my favorite text messages from Richard was from the summer. he text’d me “you know you can always ask me anything. no limits”….this is why i love him.

betrayal 10-21-2010

Posted: November 28, 2010 in betrayal, manhattan, manic, nyc, sexuality

i could rant & bitch…but this IM chat with my sexy friend Mimi in Miami says it all

i’m just now posting this after thanksgiving because i couldn’t bear to dwell on it at the time. i needed a little space. i’ll be catching up soon in terms of current life stuff and posting in a more timely manner.

thanks for reading!

 ♥



Me:  I got a writing gig! I am writing for examiner.com!

Mimi : awesomeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Me: how exciting. and yes i get paid. only a little. but it’s cool.

mimi : My baby’s a gifted wrter

Me: aw yeah. thanks honey. i wanna be your baby SO MUCH. i wish you were here. i am TOTALLY heartbroken. but i’m more pissed than hurt

mimi : why, why? tell me, love?

Me: i cannot tolerate disrespect. you know? so yeah i think richard is a TOTAL asshole.

mimi : wow… what happened?

Me: i wanted to hear him a new asshole. oh yeah….just when things are getting so perfect btw us, he fucking ruins it…pun WAS intended. ahem…yes it’s major.

mimi : he was cheating?

Me: i smoked pot last night and had a beer then a few vodka cocktails AND it was a full moon, SO that coulda had somethin to do with my mood. worse than cheating. that i could handle, in a way MUCH better than this. honey…..i want to cry. i can barely type this.

mimi : type it…what’s up

Me: a kinda kinky but not raunchy but FUN party….held monthly it’s a party called Lip Service. we’ve gone a few times. it’s always been sexy fun. not raunchy but a little naughty. sexy crowd, mainly couples.

mimi : yeah…you told me you were going to?

Me: a “kissing party” they call it. you have to dress to impress. chic sexy “bordello” dress. you know, dark red lighting, velvet chaise lounges to recline on and someone always starts a game of spin the bottle. silly but sexy.

mimi : uh huh

Me: so we went. i smoked pot before. i’d been stressed. so maybe that made me PARANOID….oh geez louise, but anywho so i was just kinda bummed bc a few couples we always chat with there didn’t come. it’s monthly so it’s like ok, so what but i dunno i just kinda felt ‘off’ all night then after 1am richard and i were making out and it was so sexy and he was kissing me so erotically and it was all so great….we were JUSt getting to leave, almost headed to the door when this FUCKING BITCH comes up way too strong, like just eww. i was not into her. she said, so do you 2 wanna have a 3-some? richard gets all fucking slapass stupid like he’s never had pussy right? FUCK…i mean my god what a douchebag. so i stand there and i say nothing. like DUH bitch i am not into you. richard starts grinding her, grabbing her tits and he’s walking out taking her with him to his apt 1 block away. so i grab the bitch’s boyfriend and he’s SUPER great and nice. we just chatted. nothing sexual. so he and i felt like the 3rd wheel…open is one thing but he starts fucking her right in front of me. i almost threw up. i was literally sick. i ran to the bathroom while he kept fucking her and she was screaming, moaning, and i was going CRAZY with rage.

mimi : wtf

Me: i felt sick i want to kill him. it came outta nowhere.

mimi : what’s up with that…

Me: sure, my god you know i am all down with a 3way but only with YOU, baby!

mimi : that’s what rookie would do

Me: i am SELECTIVE. but no…….this bitch was skanky. thank god he used a condom but still……then he was so tired after fucking HER with me crying in the bathroom down the hall, that he had the NERVE to crawl into bed and i was stuck on the couch alone. I GOT NO SEX! NONE. that bitch was skanky. was said it was all aobut HER. her! AS IF!!

mimi : baby…

Me: AS IF!!!! “bitch,” i said “it’s not. it’s about ME not you!”

mimi : but here’s the thing….

Me: i am so mad. how DARE he disrespcect me. i know. i kinda asked for it. the whole OPEN thing right?

mimi : once you see that his judgement is flawed like that…it’s hard to trust that he even used a condom

Me: no, i saw him. he did see him put it on. but i feel he has NO class. i mean to demean me? how dare he!

mimi : plus… he would do it again? you saw him fuck her?

Me: he clearly doesn’t value me. THAT makes me sad. yes….at first he was like, go eat lisa’s pussy while i finger you…

mimi : that’s what disheartening

Me: then i saw him put on a condom and he started pounding her from behind with her facing me. seeing her moan and her face and screaming while MY man is in her made me wanna vomit. i got so sick of it, being such a 3rd party to it that i ran out. he never asked about me. never came for me.

mimi : what happened to her b/f?

Me: then i she was a LOUD nasty bitch. ricahrd has 2 roommates. imagine my HORROR when i am in the kitchen and the roommate hears fucking sounds from the hallway and i am in the kitchen and richard is clearly NOT fucking me. oh he was a total gentleman. he felt so bad for me that he sat in the bathroom with me while i cried.

mimi : oh, baby….

Me: he just talked to me. told me that maybe the open thing isn’t for me. he was so nice. he loves my texan voice. he told me he has a thing for tx girls! i told him i should “get back” at richard by riding his cock in front of that bitch and richard. haha. he says he doens’t mind her fucking others…..i said not me. i want richard or at least agree who we fuck. i am for 3ways but VERY picky. he felt SO bad for me…..but richard kept saying “lisa, baby what’s wrong”? like how dare he! he asked, lisa why did you leave the room? HOW CAN HE HAVE BEEN SO CALLOUS????????????????? HOW?

mimi : honey… he basically ruined it

Me: DAMN……..I WAS AFRAID YOU’D SAY THAT. now i really am upset

mimi : even if you guys mend up … it can not be the same.

Me: why? he was so nice even like 15 min before that.

mimi : he did

Me: it was weird

mimi : that was so fuckin’ brainless of him

Me: he was so into me and this bitch kept asking me if i was OK with her fucking richard…i stood there and said nothing…so richard grabs her and says OH YES LISA IS TOTALLY FINE WITH THAT”….bullshit. that was so fucking cruel….and how DARE he speak for me! how dare he. honey you know i LOVE being vocal but she was skanky!

mimi : yuck

Me: i tried at first but laid on my back and she pulled my fishnet tights down and she started eating my pussy. but i was SO not into it. i can’t stand her. i fucking hated her nasty snatch and cheesy tacky blonde platinum dye job. can you imagine? i was SO turned off. and here i am lying on my back, she is btw my legs trying to eat me (gross) and here comes mister fucker all hard…. and he starts plowing her with me right under her! the girls’ boyfriend is watching. he told me he is a voyeur. that’s fine for them. i get it. but i wasn’t respected. PERIOD. that’s cool. no prob. ok? but he felt bad for me. he did. omg he text’d me 3 times after they left. he felt so bad. he really liked me. and was in a cool way. not sexual but like “look, lisa, i liked mtg you. i am sorry you got hurt.” I FEEL TOTALLY DEGRADED. watching richard’s face made me sick. he was so horny. she is fat. way fatter than me. i was grossed out. wasnt that just insulting? HE HAS BEEN SO WONDERFUL…i just felt like it wasn’t the richard i have been with. and it’s not like he doens’t get enough. we were fucking so much…. but i saw, he DID use a condom. with her he did. the sounds were the worst part. NOT GOOD. i literally felt nauseous! !!!! she had the nerve to say, well i’m all for a 3-way what’s in it for me? so of course she left and the guy went with her….and then ricahrd left me alone. alone!

mimi : what the fuck…

Me: i am there, after the sounds of hell and torture, he goes to bed, to sleep. SNORING RIGHT AWAY. SAYS HE TIRED. SORRY LISA I AM TIRED……

mimi : what do you mean…alone. He left?

Me: as if i wanted him then! no no… i was left alone. on the couch. he was in his bed. i was stuck on the couch.

mimi : ohh…fuck

Me: him snoring, me fuming, manic, SO MANIC!

mimi : lousy

Me: no sex, none

mimi : even if he wanted sex… now you’re replused

Me: that girl’s boyfrined did kiss me so sweet. but nothing sexual. i only saw the guy’s cock bc i was crying in the bathroom and he came in there to console me and then he said well, i should pee while i’m here. so i just sat there.

mimi : the fuckin same cock that fucked that yuck..in you?

Me: I know. not that he offered but the idea that he was SO TIRED that he couldn’t even talk to me.

Mimi : lol…how was his cock?

Me: I wanted to fuck him, her boyfriend. he was cute and so nice to me. really KIND Mimi. so yeah, when I peed I said omg you’re huge! he said well you’re from Texas, maybe u can be my cowgirl and ride me!

Mimi : lol

Me: it was sexy. you know, done the RIGHT way. so now what? we’ve really built something together, or at least I thought. Mimi, you know, the past 8 months with Richard has been crazy good.

Mimi : That’s why I have huge respect for Abe. He won’t do brainless shit like that…I would also be repulsed.

Me: yes I was repulsed. wish Abe was here. I need consolation!

Mimi : wish I could just zip him and e-mail him to you, baby. I would really want him to fuck my girlfriend like she’s never before… ALL night for me

Me: oh and he had the nerve to mention you, like ‘when is Mimi gonna come to NYC” please. if you came we’d be each other’s playthings. he would be UNNECESSARY! lol

Mimi : Yeah… totally.

Me: SO NOW WHAT?

Mimi : Are you on a PC?

Me: sadly, just hours before this HORRIBLE fuckup, I paid $100 for us to attend a fabulous Halloween party. so now what? is that it? even worse, Mimi, baby, is that now, fuck….I don’t know….fuck….what to do?

Mimi : yeah… take someone worthy

Me: we had major COUPLE plans like we had this whole thing planned for Halloween. now what? no…I think I wanna just cancel. should I? the party is actually Nov 6th.

Mimi : baby… Halloween is just a date on a calendar … don’t sweat it. It’s not the end of the world. You paid for the ticket?

Me: he said he’d pay me his half next wk but I had to go ahead and write a $100 check for our 2 RSVP spots. $50 each. yes….I pd for BOTH tix. he didn’t have the $$ so I pd for us both bc the RSVP was that night for $50/ea or if we waited 3 days, it would be $60 each. now what? fuck

Mimi : take a friend .. a good friend. Doesn’t matter if it a sexual friend or not..just go enjoy it

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